


Normal

by LunarQuinn



Category: Assassination Classroom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Child Abuse, F/M, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-23
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 5,917
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24330379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LunarQuinn/pseuds/LunarQuinn
Summary: Hayami was so used to being forced to adapt, she hardly paid attention to what she had to adapt to. It wasn't until her world was crumbling she finally paid attention.
Relationships: Chiba Ryuunosuke & Hayami Rinka, Chiba Ryuunosuke/Hayami Rinka
Comments: 4
Kudos: 47





	1. Chapter 1

It's easy to feel empty, especially when someone's hurt you so many times.

_Rinka stared at the gun in her father's hands nervously. She knew it was loaded, just like she knew he wouldn't hesitate to pull the trigger. He had shot her before, but the bullet had merely grazed her arm._

_This time, the pistol's target was her head. If her dad fired, he would kill her._

When something terrible has happened so often, it becomes the new normal. 

_"Come home late again, young lady, and I won't hesitate."_

You stop hoping for things to change because no matter how many times you wish for a chance at a better life, things will never go back to the way they were.

_"Do I make myself clear?"_

_Rinka looked up to meet her father's gaze. Her heart was racing, but she forced a straight face. She couldn't let her dad know how scared she was._

The only safe option is to adapt.

_"Yes." Her voice wavered as she spoke, "Crystal clear, sir."_

_"Good."_

Everything stops hurting after a while, and you start to lose yourself. You just become hollow inside, just numb to everything around you.

_"These grades are unacceptable, Rinka," Her mother screamed, "Why do we bother paying for you to go to Kunugigaoka when you can't be bothered to take things seriously? Money doesn't grow on trees, you know."_

_Rinka's eyes remained fixated on the floor. She had heard this exact song and dance many times before that it was routine at this point. It was normal. It didn't even bother her anymore._

You spend most of your time lying awake at night, wondering why you can't feel anything.

_Her father grabbed her by her hair, lifting her off the ground. She squirmed around, lifelessly trying to get free. The dull throb slowly evolved into more intense pain, but it wouldn't last long. It never did._

_"What did I say about talking back?" His shouts rang through the entire house._

_She hadn't talked back. She didn't even say anything to her dad or even acknowledge him. She had merely walked past him to get to her room._

_"I'm sorry, sir," She deadpanned, "I am."_

You start to wonder if you're even human. After all, humans are supposed to feel something. 

_Rinka peered around the corner at her parents. Their arguing had been keeping her up, and she was safe so long as they didn't catch her._

So, if you can't feel anything, you've lost your humanity. But what does that make you?

_She saw her mom and dad standing in the middle of the living room, screaming at each other._

_"You think I'm keeping her?" Her father snapped, "I don't want that brat child. You take her."_

_"I carried that ungrateful little shit around for nine months, damn it, followed by taking care of her for an additional ten years while you were too drunk."_

But you can never talk to anyone about it, though. No one would understand you're what you're going through. No one would believe you: not about your parents, or your lack of feeling.

_"Come on. I think you're just being a little dramatic._

_"Your parents are amazing."_

_"Don't be silly; you have emotions; you're just out of touch with them."_

_"Well, it might be your fault."_

_"There's no way you can't feel anything with a joke like that."_

So you deal with your predicament on your own. Besides, if somehow someone else got involved, things would get unnecessarily complicated. So you continue to bite your tongue and try to block out the memories.

_"Get out of my house!"_

It worked for a little while. You managed to forget your pain and fake your emotions.

_"You little shit!"_

It was so easy.

_"What did I tell you about coming home late?"_

You slap on a straight face, and everything's fine. You can't smile, though; you were never big on smiling.

_Rinka stared at her father. He held that gun she had grown to hate pointed at her._

_"Dad," She called to the man, "What are you doing?"_

_Her dad's eyes widened beyond a size she thought was possible._

Then it happened.

_"This is your fault." He hissed, "This is all your fault!"_

_He fired the gun, but he just barely missed her head._

Something reminded you of how empty you are.

_Rinka's ears were ringing from the gunshot, but that was all she felt. Why wasn't she scared? It made no sense._

_Her father had tried to shoot her in the head._

_He tried to_ **_kill_ ** _her._

_If her heart rate had changed, then that would be a different story. But she was numb._

It's almost funny how shocking it was. You had spent so long trying to act normal, you believed it for a while. 

_It didn't make sense. Rinka was supposed to feel scared. Even if she was 'emotionally numb,' having her life threatened was something that should've sparked some reaction. She shouldn't be standing there with a blank face, staring at the man who attempted to take her life. It wasn't_ **_normal_ ** _._

_That's when another bullet came whirling at her. It zoomed above her head, once again barely missing her._

_She still didn't feel anything._

You played the role hoping it would become real. You thought you could miraculously change by playing pretend. But that's not how things work. 

Deep down, you've always realized that. You were just fooling yourself.

_Her dad growled and shoved Rinka into the wall as he stormed by. She watched him walk out the door._

The only way things get better is if the problem goes away.

_She walked over to the door and watched her father drive away._

When it finally leaves, you can be at peace again.

_"He fucking left?" Her mother screeched as she slammed a beer bottle on the counter, "And you didn't do anything?"_

_Rinka stared emptily at her. She didn't know what to do in this situation._

_Her dad had left. He had genuinely left them. After talking about a divorce for months, he just left after taking an attempt on her life. Unbelievable._

At least, that's what Rinka thought.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's normal to feel this way.

"What's wrong, Hayami?" Asked Chiba coldly, "You've been acting strange all week."

Rinka ignored the question. She instead turned her attention to the window. There was nothing particularly eye-catching about it; it was just the same window she saw every-damn-day. She stared at the same window in the middle of class when she needed a small distraction from her racing thoughts countless times. 

"What happened to your neck?" Chiba questioned as his ghost-like touch brushed against her neck. "Is that a bruise?"

Rinka tensed up and shoved his hand away, her gaze remaining on the window. "What did I say about touching me, Chiba?"

He pulled his hand away, "Sorry, I'm just worried about you."

"I never asked you to worry."

"So what, I have to ask permission to worry about you?" There was a hint of pain in his tone.

"I never said that." Rinka's eyes glanced at him. Her gaze softened ever so slightly. "I would never say that."

He folded his arms, the corners of his lips tugging into a forced smile. He didn't believe Rinka, and that was fine. After all, she doesn't believe half the things she says.

"Fine then," Chiba sighed, "But I would like to know what happened to your neck." Before he finished his sentence, he gestured toward her neck. 

Her hand instinctively went up to cover the ugly mark—another gift from her mother. She didn't even know what she did to upset her this time, and frankly, she couldn't care less. Keeping up with her mother's outbursts was too exhausting. All she knew was she was eating dinner one minute then the next, her mother was trying to choke her.

It wasn't too bad, it was **normal**.

"Hayami, are you alright?"

Rinka hummed and nodded, "Yeah, don't worry about me."

He shook his head, "It wouldn't be a problem if you weren't so secretive."

Rinka didn't respond. She just forced a smile as she tried to walk past him.

"Hey, don't think this conversation's over." His tone was stern and authoritative, reminiscent of the one she used to use when he got too cocky or forgot to take care of himself. 

It's been so long since she's used it, and it's certainly the first time he's used it on her. It was startling and almost refreshing. Typically, when someone used a harsh tone directed at her, it was followed by some form of hitting, cursing, and or a foreign object hurled at her head. 

The change of tone was pleasant.

"You have some explaining to do," He growled.

Rinka sighed bitterly before turning around, "I burned myself with a flat iron."

"Since when do you straighten your hair?"

"Since I wanted to try something new with my hair."

He hummed in an unconvinced way before reaching out to touch her hair. She didn't yell or pull away this time; she just allowed him to examine her hair. 

"It looks and feels the same," He stated as he lowered his hand, "You didn't do anything to it."

"That's because I tried something last night."

He frowned, "Also, did you burn yourself three..." He trailed off, presumably to examine her bruise. "...Four times? And so much so it practically covers your entire neck?"

Rinka looked away. She tugged the collar of her blazer up to hide her neck.  
He was too observant; she knew this. He knew her too well and would eventually see through her lies. She was the same way with him; only it was much easier to read him, even without seeing his eyes. It was too easy to understand each other, so they tried to keep the lying to the minimum.  
Why did she think lying would work out?

"I need to know if you're-"

"I'm fine." She interrupted, "I promise."

"Okay, but if something's wrong, I'll find out."

She shrugged, "There's nothing to find."

\-----

Rinka sat down at the table, not daring to make eye contact with her mother. Things always went wrong when she looked up at her mom. They would go wrong regardless, but things would be better if he didn't look at anything.

Her eyes couldn't recognize the food in front of her. It was just a mush of leftovers her mother had heated up. She was too intoxicated to whip up a proper meal, but Rinka had grown used to it.   
It was **normal**. 

Sure the portions weren't by any means sustainable, but it was a meal nonetheless. And yes, Rinka's mother could technically afford to make a "normal" meal, but she always complained about being too tired. Plus, it was an adjustment for both of them. It would take a little bit of time for her mother to deal with the "divorce." So what if it happened over three months ago? Time heals all wounds, right?

That's how things were supposed to work, right? 

She would be at peace again, right?

Right?

"Rinka," Her mother mumbled, "Get me a beer."

Without skipping a beat, she was on her feet, rushing to the nearly empty refrigerator to fetch her mother a drink. She instinctively opened the bottle before putting it in front of her mother.   
She then walked back to her seat to continue pushing her food around. If she did it long enough, hopefully, her mother would finish and leave.

She scraped her utensil lightly against the bottom of the bowl. Minutes ticked by, and they were both still sitting at the table. Her mother would mutter something, but it sounded like gibberish against Rinka's ears.

Rinka would hesitantly glance up to see her mother glaring at her. She didn't flinch at the harsh look. Why would she? She had seen it countless times before.

It was **normal**.

"So, what," Her mother growled, "You think you're too good for the food I put on the table for you?"

Rinka exhaled quietly, her eyes darting back down to her bowl of now-cold leftovers. 

It's not as bad if you don't make eye contact.

"I know what it is; you blame me for your father leaving, don't you?"

No, she didn't.

"You don't even care about how hard it is on me, do you?"

She did.

"You don't care about how I have to work multiple jobs just to be able to provide for your privileged ass."

She did care.

"You probably wished you had gone with your father, don't you?"

No, she didn't wish that.

"Well guess what, Rinka, you don't know half of the shit I've put up with, and guess what, I NEVER LEFT!"

Rinka flinched at the sudden change of tone. Even after all this time, she would never get used to it.  
Her mother took a long pause before slamming her bottle on the table. Rinka could safely assume she had finished her drink.

"You wanna know how many times I caught him cheating? You wanna know?"  
Rinka shook her head, "No, I do-."

"-Five times, Rinka! I caught that man sleeping with five different women-"

"I-I didn't know-"

"-do you have any idea how angering it is to walk in on your husband sleeping with someone else five-fucking-times?"

"No, I-I don't."

"Of course, you don't. You're just a stupid kid who couldn't possibly understand the pressures of being a responsible adult."

Of course, she couldn't. She was "just a stupid kid who couldn't fathom the complexities that come with adulthood." Her mother reminded her of that at every possible moment.  
Rinka allowed her mother to continue her rant. She wouldn't even get a chance to get a word in or listen to her. Besides, if her mom heard anything she said, it would probably launch her into another tirade. 

So she did her best to ignore her mother's voice out. Sure she flinched at sudden fluctuations of tone, but that was it.

She was waiting for those words. Those words that would save her from this hassle: "Go to your room!"

Without skipping a beat, she shot out of her seat and made a bolt for her room. It was the only place she could escape to, at least, when her mom was only one drink in.

But it was fine. It was manageable. It was **normal** , right?


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey, Hayami," Began Chiba as he grabbed Rinka's wrist, "Can I ask you something?"

Rinka clenched her fists before spinning around to look at him, "Chiba, what did I say about touching me?"

He sighed and let go of her, "Sorry, I forgot."

She folded her arms and glared at him. Was he going to bring up their discussion from yesterday? If so, then she wasn't going to entertain the conversation.

"Anyways," He continued, "I wanted to ask if you wanted to walk home with me."

"No."

"Hayami, please?"

Rinka sighed heavily before turning away, "I have to go home."

"I'll walk home with you then."

She rolled her eyes and began to walk away, "No, thank you. I am perfectly capable of walking by myself."

Chiba seized her wrist, yanking her back, "Then answer this question, okay?"

Rinka paused and spun around, "What is it?"

"The bruise on your neck-"

Rinka growled and folded her arms, "Not this again."

Rinka didn't want to resume this conversation. She couldn't recollect what lie she told him. Usually, when she told lies, it's a one-time thing; people believed her and never bring it up again. Why did Chiba have to make things so complicated? Did this mean she would have to memorize every lie she told around him?

"Look, it's just the two of us, you can tell me what happened." 

Rinka shook her head and turned around, "I already told you yesterday."

He settled a hand on her shoulder, "Then tell me what you said, then."

Rinka brushed him off, "You're telling me you don't remember?"

"I forgot."

Rinka racked her brain, trying to recall her lie. It was on the tip of her tongue, but she couldn't articulate it.

"My point exactly," Chiba said in that stupid smug tone of his.

She spun around to glare at him, "I didn't say anything, jackass."

"You didn't have to. You obviously don't remember."

She opened her mouth to snap back at him, but she couldn't. Lying to Chiba always hurt her. Even if she couldn't feel much, she felt hurt whenever she lied to him. 

"Please, just be honest with me, Hayami," He put his hands on her shoulders. No,  _ put _ , is an understatement. He slapped his hands onto her, his nails digging into her skin. "Who did this to you? If nothing else, at least answer that."

Rinka raised her hand to hide her neck. She wanted to tell him; she wanted the lies to stop. It was apparent she was in way over her head in regards to her predicament. She knew she shouldn't accept her relationship with her mother. It shouldn't be something she willingly endures. 

It shouldn't be  ** normal ** .

"Hayami," Chiba began in a soft tone, "Are you alright?

Rinka looked away from her friend, a foreign feeling of guilt pooling in the pit of her stomach. "I-I have to get home."

"You didn't answer the question, Hayami," His grip on her shoulders tightened, "Who the hell hurt you?"

She pushed him away and spun around, "I should get going."

"Hayami, please."

No, she's content with the circumstance. Chiba showing a vested interest in her bruise, just caught her off guard. There was nothing wrong with her relationship with her mother. It was fine. It was  ** normal ** .

The treatment she was receiving had been going on for years from both her parents. Sure it could get a little intense at times, but everything gets heated at times, right?

"Hayami."

Rinka shook her head and started walking away. She didn't have to answer anything; she didn't have to do anything.

"Hayami, wait!"

_ Keep walking. _

"Please."

She had to walk away from him. "I'll see you tomorrow."

\-----

Rinka walked past the living room, casting a glance inside. She paused a moment to get a better look. She noticed her mother passed out on the couch, either drunk or hungover. That explains why she was home so early.

Rinka shook her head and darted down the hall. She dared not disturb her mother.

She tossed her school bag into the closet before dragging herself over to her bed. Her conversation with Chiba, if she could even call it that, kept replaying in her mind, more specifically, how she felt during their exchange. 

It had caught her off guard.

She felt guilty for the first time in who knows how long. Even when her dad walked out with her to blame, she didn't feel guilty. She only watched as he drove away, not bothering to say anything.

She slowly removed her blazer and undid her hair. Chiba sure was the persistent type; she'll give him that. His words somehow stuck with her—something about not being able to see half the boy's face made them remain with her. 

She let out an annoyed huff as she finger-combed her hair. She took care to be careful with the tangles. It was all she could do to keep Chiba's stupid voice out of her head. Focusing on the individual knots and tangles that came from training would serve as an acceptable distraction. 

She kept up the mindless combing, counting each time her fingers passed through her hair until her mind was clear. Not a single thought of her partner remained.

Rinka fell back on the bed, her head thumping against the pillow. She was beyond exhausted, both physically and emotionally. She had hardly slept a wink over the past few days, and something about her exchange with Chi-he who shall remain nameless left her utterly exhausted. 

Maybe she should take a nap? That should do her some good, at least.


	4. Chapter 4

Rinka walked alongside Chiba in silence. She didn't know how it happened, but Chiba had convinced her that he should walk her home.

She knew he was worried about her, and she could somewhat understand why. She hadn't been the most convincing with her previous arguments.

She felt his hand brush against hers. It was brief, but she noticed it. She ignored it at first, but it happened again, and again, and again.

"What did I say about touching me?" Rinka sighed as she folded her arms.

He cleared his throat and shuffled away. "I'm sorry."

She nodded, "It's okay."

They fell back into silence for a while before he spoke up again.

"The bruise on your neck," He began tentatively, "I can still see it.

Rinka brought her hand up to cover her neck. "This again?"

"I know that's not a burn mark, Hayami. I'm not stupid."

"I never said you were," She replied coldly.

She was getting tired of this conversation already.

"Maybe," He grabbed her wrist and stopped her, "But you're acting like you think it."

"What did I say about touch-" She began in a tone harsher than she intended.

"No, Hayami," He cut her off, "What did _I_ say about lying?"

She fell silent. She didn't need to see Chiba's eyes to know how intensely he was looking at her. She could feel the intensity radiating from him. It was too much.

"We're a team," He said as if she didn't know, "We're supposed to look out for each other. And I know something's wrong. If you would just-"

"Let go." She growled through her teeth, fighting to keep her composure. Her mask was cracking, and she couldn't let that happen. 

"Hayami."

"I'm not asking you again, Chiba."

His grip on her wrist tightened before he let her go. Instantly, she brought it close to her and moved back.

"Hayami, please," Chiba said as he moved a little closer, "I care about you, and I don't want to see you get hurt."

Rinka rolled her eyes, "Well, I never asked you to care about me."

He shook his head, "You don't need to. You're my friend, remember."

"I never told you to care." She huffed.

Chiba growled, "What, I have to get permission to care about you?"

Rinka didn't respond. She knew she said too much. She instead kept walking, not caring if he was behind her or not. But who was she kidding? Of course, he was. She didn't glance back to check. If she did, that would let him know that she wanted him around.

"If you're trying to hide the bruise with makeup, you're doing it wrong." Chiba's voice spoke after a few more minutes of silence.

Rinka let out a heavy sigh. It was partially out of annoyance and partially from relief. He was still there and following her, but he just had to ruin the silence.

"If you're trying to hide a bruise," He continued, "Then you shouldn't use just concealer. It shows the purple. Use yellow concealer to cancel it out."

She stopped walking. "And how would you know this?"

"It's how I hide training bruises from my parents."

She nodded, "I'll keep that in mind."

\-------

Rinka had told Chiba to leave once her apartment was in view. she didn't want her mom to see Chiba on the off chance she was home. Rinka didn't notice her car as they approached, though, but she didn't want to take any chances.

When she got inside, she noticed how messy the house was. She knew the house wasn't in this state when she left, but her mother left before she did.

"Mom," She called out despite knowing that her mother wasn't home.

When she didn't receive an answer, Rinka stepped over the bottles and books that littered the floor and made her way to her room. She noted how messy everywhere else was, but she didn't pay it any mind until she got to her room. 

To her horror, it was in worse condition than the rest of the house. Her bookshelves were knocked over, books thrown all over the place. Her stuffed animals were either scattered around or ripped apart. 

Her breath caught in her throat for a moment, but she relaxed quickly. She was just going to have to clean it up.

Her mom must've come back and thrown a fit. But why her room? Why did her mom have to target her room? 

Out of all the rooms, she had to target hers.

She felt something burning inside her. She didn't know how to describe it. She was angry but calm, sad but relieved, and confused but so sure that it was nothing. What was this feeling, and how could she get rid of it?

Her mind felt fuzzy, and she was starting to get a little dizzy. She couldn't understand what was happening. Her heart was going at an alarming rate. It wasn't exactly racing, but it definitely wasn't normal. Nothing she was feeling was **normal**.

Her hands shouldn't be this sweaty. Her vision shouldn't be cloudy. Her brain shouldn't be thumping against her skull. None of that should have been happening.

Was she going crazy? No, impossible. She was fine and completely in control. 

She walked into the room, stepping over the scattered books and stuffed animal fluff. Her steps were shaky and wobbly. It felt almost as if her legs were noodles, threatening to give at any moment.

She picked up her mattress and did her best to readjust it onto the bedframe, not bothering to get bedding. She'd just take care of it later. She just needed to rest.

She laid on the bare mattress for a moment, her breathing speeding up with each passing second. Her head was spinning. Waves of nausea crashed over her making her moments away from vomiting. Her stomach did all sorts of flips and cartwheels, making getting into any comfortable position quite a difficult task.

Maybe she was on her period? No, these weren't menstrual cramps, so what were they?

She couldn't sleep like this. No, too much was going on for her to even close her eyes. She needed something to do.

She swung her legs out of bed and looked at the mess her mother made. She felt dizzy trying to take it all in. 

Even so, she did her best to push it all down and ignore the new feelings that washed over her. She walked over and picked up her bookshelf, only for it to slip from her fingers, landing with a loud crash.

She jumped back a little, feeling her eyes start burning. Her heart sped, and her breathing became heavier. She put her hand over her chest, feeling her rapid heartbeat. Her hand was trembling, and once again, her legs felt like limp noodles.

What was wrong with her?

This wasn't **normal**. 

This wasn't alright. 

She wasn't in control. 

She wasn't alright.


	5. Chapter 5

Rinka watched Chiba raise the rifle toward the target, preparing to fire. He'd positioned himself a couple of feet further than usual. He was trying to shoot from a further distance because it was getting too easy. 

She was all for him challenging himself, but Chiba didn't seem to understand that he wouldn't get the results he wanted if he "jumped the gun." If he'd moved back one foot, then slowly increased the distance between him and the target, it would be far more efficient.

He gave her a thumbs-up, the signal to let her know he was ready. She took a half step to the left, putting a little more distance between her and the target. Her attention turned away from him and to the yellow round bulls-eye.

She heard a click followed by a low thud. She knew Chiba missed without even looking. She leaned over to examine the indent that the bullet had left on their goal, and as expected, there was none. Instead, there was a round divet in the tree trunk right beside the target.

She searched around for the bullet, not wanting to leave it around for some animal to find and possibly eat. She found the pink sphere-shaped item hidden amongst the grass. 

"How'd I do," Asked an out of breath Chiba as he came up behind her.

"You missed the target," She sighed, "But only barely." Rinka turned around to look at him, holding the bullet out. "I'd recommend you come closer a little. You jumped pretty far back with no practice whatsoever."

Chiba groaned and snatched the bullet from her hand before turned away, "Whatever."

"Hey, where is this attitude coming from?" She snapped, "What did I do?"

"Nothing." His fists clenched.

"You're lying."

"No, I'm not." He sounded like he was talking through his teeth.

"Then why are you angry?"

"I'm not fucking angry!" He shouted as he turned around to face her. 

She flinched a little at his sudden outburst. She hoped he didn't notice.

Regaining her composure, she took note of him. He was red in the face, and he'd clenched his teeth—definitely signs of anger.

She clasped her hands behind her back. "Sorry. I didn't mean to make you angry."

He took a deep breath and turned his head away. "No, it's not your fault. I shouldn't have yelled, a-and I'm sorry for making you cry."

She reached up and touched her cheek, and surely enough, she felt tears. She hadn't realized she was crying. She'd been so focused on him she failed to keep her composure.

"It's nothing," She choked out as she wiped under her eyes, "I didn't mean to worry you."

He shook his head, "No, it's not. I'm so sorry."

Rinka shook her head and laughed awkwardly. It sounded so forced and uncomfortable, but she hoped it was enough to deflect suspicion. 

"I'm just frustrated," He admitted.

"About what?"

He sighed, "Nothing. It doesn't matter."

Rinka sighed and decided to drop the subject. No point in arguing.

He eventually turned away and went back to his sniping position. He'd go on to continue firing for the next thirty minutes before he came back to check how he did. Once he'd gotten his report back, they traded spots. Rinka decided to take Chiba's rifle instead of her typical pistols.

She knew she couldn't solely rely upon a small handgun all the time, especially if the class regarded her as the best female sniper. And yes, she'd used one in the beginning but had opted for a pistol that was far more comfortable to hold.

She took a few minutes to empty a few rounds before returning to her partner. They didn't look at each other. Neither of them could bear to face each other. The tension between them continued to build as they both stood there, each soundless and still. She couldn't help but wonder what was going through his mind right now.

They continued standing there before Chiba said something.

"How's your mom?"

Rinka tensed at the question. Her instinctive reaction was to tell him she's fine, but she knew that wasn't the answer he was looking for. He knew something was wrong, and he probably wouldn't let her get away with lying again.

So she chose silence instead. She looked up at the sky, searching for a cloud, a bird, the sun, just something to occupy her mind so she could distract herself from him.

"Is she doing well?"

She tensed even more, letting out shaky and forced breaths. He knew.

"Why about you? Are you doing alright?"

She ignored him. 

"Hayami, I know you're hiding something from me."

She felt the backs of her eyes start burning, followed by the strange feeling she'd experienced last night. It wasn't exactly the same, but there had to be some correlation. 

Her head was still a little fuzzy, and her heart rate was undoubtedly elevated. Spots once again flashed across her vision, but she could probably attribute that to staring at the sky. But that was where the similarities ended. 

There was a hard lump in her throat that she couldn't swallow. And she felt her heart thundering in her ears and pulsating against the front of her head.

What was wrong with her? Was she sick? She had to be if she felt this way two days in a row. Was she dying? Was this sensation she was feeling a symptom of her upcoming death?

"Hayami."

Hearing his voice made her feel strangely queasy. Her breathing sped up dramatically, and she couldn't look up anymore. 

She slowly tilted her head down to see Chiba, undoubtedly looking at her. Her stomach churned and did all sorts of flips, bringing her dangerously close to vomiting.

"Hayami." He said her name once more, this time putting a hand on her shoulder.

"I have to go." She blurted out before she tried to walk away. She noticed how shaky her steps were and how uncoordinated she was.

It was mortifying.

"Hayami," Chiba said her name gently as he grabbed her wrist once more, "You're hyperventilating."

She shook her head and looked back at him, "Chiba, please, let me go."

He sighed and brought his hand up to touch her on the cheek.

Rinka shuddered and tried to pull away. She wanted to scream at him, telling him to let her go, but she couldn't. The touch left her paralyzed and _scared_. She'd never felt like this around Chiba. He was safe. She'd believed that he'd never hurt her, but she wasn't so sure right now.

Whenever someone touched her face, she'd get hurt. She'd get slapped, punched, hit with foreign objects. She didn't want that, not with Chiba.

Chiba seemed to pick up on her unease and gave her a hesitant smile. She assumed he intended for it to reassure her, but it didn't exactly work. He rubbed his thumb under her eye, presumably to wipe away tears. His touch was so gentle, and she found it hard to believe he would hurt her, but she couldn't rely on her beliefs alone.

There was no way he wouldn't do something to her. He had to. That's just how people worked.

"Do you wanna talk about it?" He asked in a soft voice before backing away.

She shook her head and took a half step back. She didn't want to talk. She wanted to know what the hell was wrong with her. She wanted to know why she felt like she was having a heart attack. She wanted to know why this was happening to her.

"Can I walk you-"

"I-I-I'm fine." She blurted in a panicked voice. Her breathing continued to speed, and her chest felt tight. 

She knew she was not fine, but she didn't want to talk about it. She could handle this on her own without the aid from Chiba. 

The dizziness and the lightheadedness were manageable. Rinka could ignore how badly she felt like vomiting. Hyperventilation, tunnel vision, tingling fingers, she could deal with all of that on her own. She'd been taking care of herself for years, and this was no different.

She put her hand over her chest, feeling her rapid heartbeat. Her hand was trembling, and once again, her legs felt like limp noodles. Even so, she clenched her shirt right over her heart, feeling how rapidly it raced.

She was having a heart attack. She was dying. 

This wasn't normal.

This wasn't **normal**.

This wasn't **normal**!

She was dying!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha wow this was way longer than I intended sorry, but I at least hope you guys liked it.


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